The Beginning
Any adoption or foster care placement begins with a birth family. When a birth mother makes the decision to place her child for adoption, it is never easy. Most of the time, a birth mother decides to place her child for adoption because she has no other option. Most birth mothers do not have a good support system of family or friends who can help them. In addition, some birth mothers find themselves in a situation in which they are homeless, unemployed, battling addiction or are at a place in their life where they are simply not ready to be a parent. Whatever the reason is, placing a child can be heartbreaking and mentally and emotionally draining. These are things that we can work through together for any birth mother, birth father or birth family who may be dealing with these issues.
The Feelings
For an adoptee, there can be so many different types of feelings and emotions. Every adoptee is different and has their own unique view regarding their adoption experience. Some adopted children may feel grateful that their adoptive family was able to take them in and love them as their own. Some want to meet their biological family while some want nothing to do with their biological family. Some adoptees feel incredibly sad that their birth mother decided to place them for adoption. These adoptees often struggle with depression and feelings of rejection. For many adoptees, their views are somewhere in between. For children who were placed at an older age, or who may have gone through the foster care system, there can be added issues. Some children in foster care were never adopted, and some even suffered additional abuse or neglect at the hands of their foster families. This can create an even greater sense of distrust, disappointment and feelings of abandonment. All of these are things that we can work through together.
For adoptive and foster parents, they often have to work through various forms of grief, as well as mixed feelings of joy and sadness. Many foster and adoptive parents face issues with infertility. This alone is a process that has to be grieved and dealt with before they are ready to adopt. Once they are ready, they can begin the process of creating their family through adoption or foster care. Some foster and adoptive families have a quick and easy adoption experience in which they are placed with a child quickly and without incident. For others, there can be grief that comes along with a failed placement, or when a child is returned to their biological family. Once a family is placed with a child they often feel joyful and complete, but there is also often a part of them that feels grief and sadness for their child’s birth family. These are all normal feelings that we can discuss throughout our time together.
Lastly, for single and LGBTQ foster parents, adoptive parents and adoptees, there can be added issues as they navigate systems that are not always friendly and accepting. These are also issues that we can discuss as you work through the additional battles that you have faced or are currently facing during your foster or adoption journey.
Overall, adoption and foster care encompasses a plethora of feelings and emotions. I look forward to hearing about your experience and working with you to promote your healing.